Changes

Lots of changes have been happening.
Where do you place friends? Where do I place myself as a friend?

I have a friend who thinks I throw him under the bus all the time. I think it's because I have a dark sense of humor and he isn't able to take the jibes. That's ok. But he also made some really smart points. I have an unbalanced enjoyment of gossip and it's come back to bite me in the ass all year this year... Oddly, I thought I cut people out of my life that were sources of drama only to find that I, myself, am a clearinghouse for drama. All in all, I haven't been a good friend because I can't seem to break that cycle. So, that's one thing I need to work on.

My ex wanted to be my friend. But it's complicated and in the end it's all about how I feel about him not being respectful of my feelings. The other day he said, in a single sentence, "You have every right to me angry. Now, can we move on?" Wait... I am allowed to be angry... and now that time is over. NOW! Hmmm... That's not contradictory.

On another note: I turned 37 a few weeks ago. I have started my 40 list and there's not much on it. In a way that's good. I have done a lot in my life. In another way it's tragic. Do I not have dreams? Maybe I need to have some dreams of my own and new aspirations. Something to get excited about.

Get excited, people!

My Dream

I had a dream last night. I was walking on a sandy beach at night. there were lots of other travelers, some walking faster, some slower. Some were walking in the opposite direction. The beach was dark and we were next to a cliff.

I had something that I was bringing with me. It was large, kind of heavy, but manageable. Others had things they were carrying, some were bogged down, others were walking with ease.

I was barefoot. I thought, "When I get there my feet will hurt a bit, but I will rest. Then I can walk back and my feet should be fine."

That's deep.