I haven't been myself recently. And by recently I mean 2 years.

It's been one loss after another, one revelation after another that the things I thought I wanted and the people I believed in were utter horse crap.

And then I have to understand that the pattern really points to me. I'm the culprit. I'm really bad at keeping in touch with friends when they live out of town (and even the ones in town, too). I trust and believe in people as a friend and I'm not really sure they are my friend, but I assume they will be- or are- and it's an empty faith.

I thought I wanted to do theatre. Nope. I thought I wanted to manage a Starbucks. Double nope. And now I don't know what I want to do. I just like my job, my family but not my life.

I like myself, but I'm not really excited about myself. Or, anything for that matter.

So, I'm going to go through a transformation. I think I'm close to rock-bottom and what I'm about to embark upon will take me there, shred me up and then show me the way out.

Long Day's Journey Into Night... No more. :)