Feelin' It

I've been feeling a bit low recently. I guess it's all the changes I've been experiencing. But I do have to say that I've had a big break through.

After being angry for so long, I have finally found compassion. I've also found forgiveness and I have also found myself guilty of being human.

My ex had been checking out my profile on a website. I know this because when you open the "pals" list his picture popped up as someone who has looked at my profile. So I sent him an angry message. Not horrible, but angry. When he wrote me back he expressed his confusion over why I am upset with him and ehy I have chosen to not communicate with him. And he also said he wanted me to move on... Wha-wha-wha-What???

Yes. I was not moving on. I have not been moving on for a long time. I have been harboring how angry I have been.

And then there is my Mom. She said to me the other day, "You stay angry. You want everyone to know how angry you are and how you feel wronged by someone." Yikes. That's an honest assessment.

Growing up sucks. But I'm glad I'm doing it.

The Long Haul

Changes, good and bad.

Work: I'm stepping down as a Shift Supervisor at Starbucks. I have loved the job but I don't feel satisfied in my life. It takes a lot out of me to work odd hours and not have a schedule that is regular. I'm not a kid any more, so I need something steady.

Travel: I had a great time in Vegas, but the trip left me thinking about friends. Who supports me and lifts me up? Who do I lift up and support? Who drags me down? Who do I bring down? In this year of transformation I need to transform my friendships. Some will transform into more, some less and some into nothingness.

Life: I'm alive. I've been through a lot in my few years here and I'm so grateful for the lessons I have learned. I'm scared of the lessons that are coming up, but I'm open to them and embrace them as they come.

Being open to everything. That's my new motto.