So, it's been weird. Weird in a good way. I've come to realize life likes to let me think I'm in charge and just when I've decided everything is fine... KA-BLAM! Old issues come up.
As I've written before: there are a few people I've dumped as friends and recently I've run into 2 of them. These are people who decided to make decisions about our relationship without consulting me so, like-wise... I made decisions without consulting them. Namely: ditching them as fiends and never speaking to them again. (I know... so mature, huh)?
Well, my decision was based on being angry. I'd thought time would heal that anger.
No flippin' way! One of them asked me why they aren't my friend on Facebook. Now, I do need to point out that I "un-friended" them a long time ago and he's just now wondering why. So I told him. His response was to tell me I should have said something to him (in my defense, I did...) and he's fine to not be my friend and he'll see me around.
Dude needs a clue phone. When a text message conversation goes like this:
(This text message is based on real events)
HIM: How's it going?
ME: Mom's still in the hospital but I'm ok.
HIM: Oh. Hey, Love Lady Gaga's new song. I tell people I'm on the edge... of glory.
ME: Cool.
(end of message)
Dick.
The other guy is still on my Shit-List. He wanted to have a toast to the Olympics with me one night. I said no. He said, "Not even for the Olympics?" I said, "NO." What makes me so angry is how cavalier he is with me. I haven't given him the time of day for 2 years and whenever he approaches me it's always with some trite, ridiculous, vapid concept. When I don't play along he just shrugs and shakes his head as if I'm being difficult.
I am being difficult. Actually, no I'm not. I'm standing my ground. We have some really deep things to address and I'm not playing any games. He wants me to toast the Olympics. Why? To feel better about me hating him. If I toast with him then this is a sign I've forgiven him and ham ready to move on without dealing with his hateful, disgusting, selfish behavior. And I'm not going to let him have that from me. He gets nothing from me until he hears me out or starts explaining himself for his behavior.
It's insulting.
Addressing this anger and recognizing it's still there is important. I've stalled my training and work-outs because I feel guilty for being this angry. But I have every right to be pissed-off. I have to be supportive of myself when it comes to being angry and mad-as-hell because it's normal and healthy to feel these emotions. My usual method to deal with it is to stuff it down with huge amounts of food. And I've succeeded to pack on 70 pounds. No bueno.
So I'm tired of sitting and stewing. I'm tired of eating "comfort" foods that really don't do the trick. I'm off to find my comfort in real, tangible things. Running, cycling, healthy eating and school.
Oh, and a part-time job to pay for rent & food.
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