Home Stretch...

I'm in the home stretch.

I have 3 more assignments left for my MA and after that I'll be out on an externship. I'm trying to focus on Orthopedics. It looks like a great field and I think it will be great to see people get better rather than treat the sick and dying.

In other news: I've developed a habit of not wanting to go out and be with people. Socially, that is. I don't know if I'm just becoming a recluse or if I genuinely dislike the majority of the population out there but I'm curious about it. I spoke to a few people and really what it comes down to, in my opinion, is this- Most people follow things the media tell them to and can't think for themselves most of the time. I find people to be phony. I find them smiling and putting on their best face but I don't feel like there's anything sincere about it.

Now, I'm speaking in sweeping generalities but to be honest I can say that there are only a hand full of people I find to be genuine and sincere.

I'll have to think about that a bit more, I guess.

Any way, I'm almost done with school and I can't wait to get this next phase started.

Whacky!

In an effort to catch you all up I wanted to give a quick post:

I'm attending Comprehensive Training Systems to become a Medical Assistant. It's been a battle to get this started but I can say I'm glad I'm doing it this way. I could have gone into debt another 12K, or I could have gone into debt another 3K... but I have, somehow, ended up with having all my training for free.

I'm up a lot in my weight. I'm at 300lbs and I'm really upset about it. It's a life-long struggle with food, emotions and all that but even more it's a struggle with my family and how they created their weight issues about themselves and have passed that on. Especially the depression, anxiety, self-loathing and co-dependent insanity. I love my family. I just have to get over them.

Mentioning getting over something: I'm phasing off of paroxatine (Paxil). This marks my first full week off anti-depressants in 10 years and withdrawal is kinda whacky. I'm crankier than usual and I'm getting mild bouts of what is called "brain shivers." Some people have severe symptoms. Mine are mild. I had a day of dizziness and sometimes when I close my eyes i hear a zzzzzz-ing sound in my head. Fun, huh? If you're on an SSRI or other anti-depressant, please discuss this with you doctor or at least notify your family and please taper off slowly. Cold Turkey is only good for sandwiches.

Other than that I'm just kinda broke most of the time. Being unemployed is super-glamorous that way. All joking aside, I'm really grateful to be where I am. I'm blessed to have some kind of income to allow me a way to live on my own, to grow and a man and to discover what I have to do with my life. Most people just fuck that up but I'm really in it to win it and like one of my favorite movies says, "You gotta risk it to get the biscuit."

Mmmm.... biscuits... I'm gonna be baking tonight!

Once Again... But, With Feeling!

Ok, I'm going to start a weight loss attempt again and this time I'm ready.

Here's what I've learned from Cut The Fat Podcast:
- Have ways to measure your success
I'm going to do this 2 ways- First by weighing myself once a week on Sundays. Second is actual measurements in inches (ex: chest, arm, thigh, hips, waist... etc.).
- Build muscle
I'm going to hit the gym 3 times a week and I'll start with an over-all body workout and then as I progress I will switch to focusing on individual body parts and going 5 days a week.
- Eat healthier
I'm going to cut out the sugar, refined carbs and over-indulgent portions.

And, what are my starting stats?
Weight: 304 lbs
Neck: 16.5"
Arm (bicep): 16.5"
Chest: 52"
Waist: 52"
Hips: 50"
Thigh: 28"
Calf: 18.5"

The first goal is to drop 10% of my weight and maintain that for a period of 3-6 months. According to the podcast and some reading I've done, if you lose a lot of weight your body will want to return to the starting weight. The theory is the Set Point Theory and it goes something like this:

You body likes it's current weight. If you lose or gain then your body will do everything it can to return to that original weight... however, i you lose 10% of the total weight and maintain that weight loss for 3-6 months then your body will re-set it's comfy weight to the new weight.

So, I'm off to lose 30 lbs in the next 16 weeks and then keep it off for 12-24 weeks and then do it again. If I lose 30 lbs I'll be around 270, then another 27 lbs will make it 242, then lose 24 and that's 219. then 200. 4 sets to bring me to my goal weight. That's 2 to 3 years for the total loss and I know it will be worth the effort. No crazy diets, no sucking shakes and losing 9 pounds a week. 2 lbs a week and I'm ecstatic with that.

Off I go!

When a Jamaican Woman Gives You a Rose...

I was reminded of something that happened to me a long time ago and I wish I was making this up but sometimes the Universe has a way of manifesting what you need:

I was riding the subway home after work one night. I was very depressed. I hated my two jobs, my ex-boyfriend came into town and tried to seduce me and then when I fell for it he told me I was ugly and unattractive, I was an emotional mess.

The door at the end of the train opened and a large, curvy, homeless Jamaican woman came in. She wore a pink head wrap and a white shawl. She had a fist full of droopy roses and sang a gorgeous song about birds- I can still hear the melody in my head today- and she came up to me and handed me a rose. I told her I didn’t have any money to spare. She looked at me with a smile and said, “This rose is for you.” So, I took the rose and dug in my pocket. I found a dollar and gave it to her so she gave me another rose.

Then, she said, “This is for the dollar. The first one was just for you. You need to be happy.”
The train came to a stop at a station and the doors opened. As she stepped out she looked back at me and smiled again and said, “You need to be happy.” The doors closed and the train moved on.

I was schooled by a homeless Jamaican woman selling sad, droopy roses on the subway.

Why?

The Universe was telling me that she had more than me and she even had enough to spare: Happiness.

Well, Happiness and Wisdom.

Law of Attraction

I watched "The Secret."

I really don't give a rat's ass if you think it's hooey or dumb. I don't care if you missed the point and ask "what about the worlds ills" and such. You clearly weren't paying attention.

One thing I have learned in life is this: I can only control Me. I can't make someone think something, do something, be something, like something, etc. I can, however, do that for myself. I can learn to like certain people, situations, experiences, and what-not. I can also change my mind, convince myself of anything and so-on. But, I'm not capable of feeding every starving man, woman or child. But I can, however, do things to help. I can pray and donate money.

One idea that I was totally in love with was this quick idea from Mother Teresa: Don't go to an anti-war rally. you are giving credence to WAR. Go to a PEACE rally. Promote Peace.

It's in the perspective. It's in the specificity of the idea. You asked for something to stop but not anything to put in it's place. Stop War. But the universe doesn't like this. Peace is implied, of course but that's not what is being asked for. Ask for Peace. Peace replaces War. Ask for abundance for all people. Abundance replaces starvation and poverty.

I see so much in my life I would like to bring into existence and I think it's been my mind-set to repel positive things. I think this is the lineage of my family and it is a piece I have to break and replace with positivity.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Woops, I Did It Again.

Well, I've gone and done it now. I've gained back my weight and I'm kinda sad about it. But I'm not angry at myself. One thing I've learned is this: Fighting the good fight is hard and it's the strategy that counts.

On Optifast, I was taking an easy route to be thin. As I have learned, this is not a plan that is set up to be a lasting success but it did give me a huge change in perspective.

So, with that perspective and Cut The Fat Podcast I'm going to work at making myself feel better and get healthy. Here's some agreements I'm making with myself:

30/30 Challenge:

Rain or shine, I will do some sort of exercise for 30 minutes for the next 30 days. I’ll incorporate interval training (run/walk) and resistance training. 

 

10%, Then Wait, Rinse Repeat:

It’s a step-wise goal. I will aim to lose 10% of my body weight. Then I will do everything within my power to maintain that weight for 3-6 months. Then I will begin again repeating this process until I reach my goal weight.

Food is Fuel. Find Fun Fuel!

I’ll make it easy for myself to eat healthier. No refined foods. Cutting out refined sugar, pasta, etc. I will find whole grains, vegetables and lean proteins to provide energy for my body.

 

Track It!

I’ll track my nutrition and caloric intake for the first 30 days to learn what I eat and how much.

Alter-Ego?

So, I've devised an alter-ego to say the wise things most of my friends would simply mock me for. It's not that I fear their jest or the laughs it's because I've changed and it's been so profound and so deep it might be a shock to their system.
And mine...
So, I came up with Maxwell Klinton. And here's a few of his wise sayings:

"Sometimes stillness is the answer.

It is like a field of leaves. A leaf can catch the wind and soar to heights unknowable or a leaf can be gathered by the rake and become part of a great heap to be lit with the fire of the universe.  In either case, it is the field of stillness, the soft grass of waiting, which makes the difference. Otherwise the leaf would be forever falling to greater depths never to be more than a falling leaf."

-  Maxwell Klinton

"The numbering of days is a human concoction. We use it to describe the passing of time. The more insidious role it plays is when we use it as an excuse to deceive ourselves into believing we are too late."

-Maxwell Klinton

"You can't legislate something away. It just doesn't work.

Look at Blacks, Mexicans, women and homosexuals.

It doesn't work on people and it won't work on guns, either.

The root cause of curbing violence and social dissonance is teaching people- and I mean ALL people- to resolve differences in an adult manner.

And, we should start with our foreign policy as it pertains to third world countries."

- Maxwell Klinton

Max is a smart guy, huh? I like how he goes for the jugular, too. "Oh, how smart! How Zen! How... WHAT?" 

I like Maxwell and I'm gonna whore him out all over the place.